I Am Dealing With It Still – by Ted Skovranek II
Posted by Katy in 
Loyalty, duty, respect, selfless service, honor, integrity, personal courage. Those are the Army’s seven core values that I attempted to show by going forward and telling my chain of command that I had been sexually assaulted the night before. What followed added insult to injury. I was told they would handle it and get me the help that I would need. That was in 2003, while I was in AIT. I was in a long training program; the shortest time there would be around 24 weeks. The assault took place during the middle, so I had a long time to spend waiting for the drill sergeants to act on their word. I was never told that I needed to file a formal complaint, or even allowed to talk to someone about the emotions that I was going through. I made it out of AIT and hoped that I could put everything behind me and move on. I realized that nothing was going to happen while I was there.
While at my duty station, we had an E/O meeting. There I told my chain of command again what happened, hoping that this time I would get some help. Once again I was assured that they would see to it that I got the help I would need. It never came; I was only told that I needed to get my head out of my ass and be a real soldier. During this time I had tried to quit drinking, but had nightmares. It affected my ability to work. I chose to start back up drinking. This really only led me on to further problems. Once I sought help for the drinking, I had no choice but to open up about the assault as it was contributing to my desire to drink and avoid any thoughts or recollection of the events. Eventually I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation. When I asked to speak to someone in JAG or CID and tell them what had happened, I was told that was not possible, as I was not at my duty station but at another army base, and had to wait until I got back to my duty station to talk to someone. I was separated from the Army a few weeks later. I had hoped that I would be able to walk away from it, not letting it affect me and move on with my life.
It has been just over 8 years since it happened. I can tell you that I was never able to move past it. There are daily reminders that bring up the feelings associated with it. I am learning through therapy how to deal with the issues, and move past the trauma.
As a man, I have different emotions and realities that I have to deal with, being that traditionally the man is the protector of the family. If I didn’t protect myself, how could I ever protect someone else? That is an impossible question to answer yet it plagues me. I had no choice in the assault, I was lying in a bed passed out from alcohol, yet it still is troubling. There is a sense that my own masculinity was compromised. Now how do I go about redefining something that I had never truly defined in the first place? It was just there, but now I know that there is something missing. Explaining what was lost is nearly impossible, but it is one of the things that I must overcome. I am sure there are similarities between the sexes, like the anger, depression, and betrayal, but for the most part those seem past me, except the betrayal. It’s learning to live and forgive, not just my attackers, but myself, and to trust again – those are my difficulties.
House Passes VA Rape Prevention Bill
Yesterday the House of Representatives passed H.R. 2074, a bill designed to help prevent sexual assaults in VA hospitals by requiring a comprehensive policy be put into place on reporting and tracking sexual assault incidents that occur in VA facilities.
The bill was written by Rep. Jeff Miller (R-FL) and Rep. Ann Marie Buerkle (R-NY) following a report released by the GAO earlier this year.
In that report, the GAO investigated only five of the VA’s 153 medical facilities and found that there were 284 reports of sexual assaults between January 2007 and July 2010. 67 of these assaults were classified as rape, 185 as inappropriate touching, 13 as forced oral sex, 8 as forceful medical examinations and 11 as other types of sexual assaults involving patients on patients, patients on staff and staff on patients.
SWAN’s executive director Anu Bhagwati released this statement on the GAO report:
“We are extremely outraged at the VA for allowing this to happen, but we are not all that surprised. SWAN has testified numerous times before Congress about the hostile and harassing environment that often exists at VA hospitals. We receive calls every week from veterans telling horror stories of VA visits where they have literally run a gauntlet of sexual harassment and mistreatment. The rates of sexual assault and harassment in the military are disturbing enough. However, to expose veterans to hostile behavior where they are being treated for conditions related to in-service sexual trauma is unconscionable.”
In response to this rampant sexual abuse of veterans, SWAN immediately went to work energizing lawmakers on the Hill to come up with an appropriate piece of legislation that would prevent this atrocious behavior going forward. Following the introduction of H.R. 2074, SWAN was invited to submit hearing testimony to the House Committee on Veterans’ Affairs. As part of that testimony, SWAN stated:
“VA serves tens of thousands of high-risk veterans every year, and as an institution it must accept responsibility for the care and safety of all its patients from the time they walk onto the grounds of a VA facility until they walk off. The VA must not only do so by providing top notch medical treatment, but also superior administrative support as well. That means every VA run facility must develop a well publicized process in place to handle sexual harassment and sexual assault complaints, must have policies that enforce rules and discipline offenders, must train every member of their staff annually on sexual harassment and sexual assault response, must maintain a security presence that is attentive and effective, and must invest in an infrastructure that allows for a completely safe visit. Safety and care for VA patients should not start or stop at the front door.”
A broad-based coalition of key advocacy groups became involved in the issue including the Veterans of Foreign Wars who also testified on H.R. 2074, and the National Organization for Women who issued a resolution in support of the bill.
Having passed the House, the bill now heads over to the Senate. We urge all of our supporters to reach out to your Senators and ask them to support our veterans by holding the VA accountable for the safety of its facilities. The VA must ensure that when veterans go to the VA for treatment that they are in a safe place.
Conflicting Emotions
Congresswoman Speier read part of my story in a session of Congress last week. This was her ninth speech to Congress detailing personal stories of rape, sexual assault and the failure of the Department of Defense to properly address these issues. Congresswoman Speier has put herself in the position to represent hundreds of women and men and has vowed to continue her speeches until Congress has taken suitable steps to fix a broken system. She has a dedicated email where people can send her their stories (stopmilitaryrape@mail.house.gov) and is actively involved in legislation that provides redress for these issues. Many of us will forever be grateful for her stand and the position she has taken in fighting for service members and veterans.
When I found out the next day that Congresswoman Speier had read my story, I honestly was not happy about it. In fact, I was very upset. My reaction to the Congresswoman’s speech was contradictory to what I had previously considered a positive event and bothered me since I am appreciative and grateful for the stand she has taken on a public level. It took me a couple hours of soul searching to try and figure out why. As a survivor, I have become much more vocal about my experiences and my story over the past 12-18 months. I’ve considered it a progression of my journey and healing to educate the public and help others who have been through the same. I chose to be a part of an impact suit against Donald Rumsfeld and Bill Gates and have spoken to many members of the media who have told parts of my story. So why was I so triggered by this event?
Trauma reactions can take many different forms. One of the factors that can make something traumatic – whether you’re in the middle of a natural disaster, watching a horrific event or being assaulted – is the loss of control. Part of healing is processing this loss of control and learning how to regain control over parts and pieces of your life and the completely normal reactions that come with traumatic events. Up until the point where Congresswoman Speier told my story, I had controlled when I told my story, to whom I told my story, and under what circumstances. Having someone else tell my story for me without my knowledge was extremely triggering and I felt very exposed and vulnerable which are not sensations I’m fond of. Once I figured out why I felt so re-traumatized, I was able to process those emotions and take the contradictory feelings I had about the situation and put everything back into a context that I could be comfortable with. I regained my control.
Trauma is complex, as are the emotions that accompany the after affects. Sometimes figuring out what’s going on in our heads requires a lot of thought, energy and assistance but it’s important to try and work through these issues the best that we can. I talk and write about these experiences in order to help myself process my trauma and emotions and hopefully to help others navigate their own journeys. We should not have to travel alone. And thank you, Representative Speier, for continuing to stand up for survivors. We need many more like you.
The Trouble with Jobs (Or the Lack Thereof)
Rebekah Havrilla
I think I’m stating the obvious when I say that finding a job in today’s economy is not an easy endeavor. In January, the unemployment rate for women veterans of the Iraq and Afghanistan era was 13.5% compared to 8.4% for our civilian counterparts. This confuses me since supposedly veterans should be very marketable in the civilian sector. At least that’s what people kept telling me.
I was unemployed for 23 months – from July 2009 to May 2011. I tried to find work in three different states and I was willing to take pretty much anything. I went to bartending school. I applied at McDonalds, Chik-fil-a and Taco Bell. I applied for entry-level social work positions. I put in for government positions that I never heard back from. I even applied for explosive related jobs which I decidedly did not want to do but felt I had little choice after my savings had relatively exhausted themselves. Occasionally, I found the odd job here and there such as a bartending gig over the Christmas holidays. I tried to volunteer and get internships, but I had very little success overall. I graduated college in August 2010 with a degree in psychology. That frustrated me even more since it seemed the degree wasn’t worth the paper it was written on. I wasn’t able to support myself, and if it weren’t for family and friends would have been living in my car. read more