Submitted Anonymously by an Airman First Class

I was with friends. People I trusted. Being a normal 21 year old girl, I made a mistake. Drank too much. Lost control. But it was alright, I was with people I trusted. I passed out – my night should have been done. Wake up. I can’t move, something or someone is on top of me. I can’t move. Can’t speak something is in my mouth. I can’t move. Unwanted kisses go down my body. I can’t move. Open my eyes; everything goes in and out of focus. I can’t move. It’s you! I trusted, confided! Why! I can’t move. My legs are spread for me. I can’t move. My body betrays my mind. I can’t move. No I don’t want this, I never wanted this. Please let him stop. Someone wake up! Someone stop him! I can’t move. Everything goes black…… I can’t move.

You may have lost control for a moment, but I lost more. You may have lost trust in people, but I lost more. You may lose a career, but I still lost more. I lost trust in people, in humanity. I lost my dignity not only at your hands, but to a nurse, a camera and some cotton swabs. I lost sleep, because I see not only you in my dreams, but nameless and faceless people. I lost so much. You didn’t care. You didn’t care who you hurt. You didn’t care how this would affect me.  I am the one who has to pick up the broken pieces and try and glue them back together. I can’t move. I can’t move forward, don’t want to move backward. I am stuck. Because of you there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about it, and how I lost more.

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